Our Story: Blending Families

 

The Hubz and I story began in Spring of 2011.

I was in the midst of my divorce and I had to find childcare for my 2 little girls. I finally settled on one outside of my home town and school district. In the end, I only used that daycare center for 3 weeks due to those reasons. During that time, there was a Family Potluck Gathering that the girls and I went to. This would be the first time I saw the Hubz.

I didn’t think anything of it. I mean let’s face it, this is a good-looking guy, at a daycare function with two kids. I was sure he “belonged” to someone. Basically our kids played, we said “hi” and that was the end of that.

About a week or so later, we crossed paths again.

I was taking the girls out for ice cream and some guy drove up in a truck to say, “Hi.” He said he knew it was me “because of my hat” and then casually mentioned he had to go pick up his boys and drove off. I remember my girls asking me who that was and my response was, “I have no idea” and laughed.

I’m not sure if it was that same week or the following week, but we again found each other crossing paths at the same ice cream place. The funny thing was, I was getting ice cream WITH the girls and he was there getting ice cream by himself BEFORE picking up his boys. I found this to be really funny and started talking with him. We also exchanged phone numbers that day. Which unknowingly, a rambling explanation about his phone number would come into play in the future.

The Hubz and I were getting along pretty well on the phone. We were talking daily, learning about each other’s situations, schedules, and basically life’s likes. I found myself really enjoying the conversation and wanting to get to know this man more. I also found myself torn between those feelings and my current situation of getting divorced. I had absolutely no interest of jumping into another relationship and I was really questioning my judgement at the time. So when I received a text that said, “If our schedules ever allow us, we should grab a beer sometime” I panicked.

And by “I panicked” I mean, I deleted his contact. All of it.

That night on the phone, I was talking to my best friend in New York and she couldn’t believe it. She was so mad at me! She actually suggested I go to the daycare center that I had recently pulled my kids from and ask who he was and where he lived. HA!

Even with all the conversations that we had, I realized I never asked him his last name, let alone what town he lived in. I told my friend I had no time for this. I wasn’t going on dates; I’m trying to get divorced. I’m trying to get my life back together. I’m trying to save my house and until I got my shit together, I couldn’t drag anybody else into my life and definitely not into my girls’ life. We totally did not see eye-to-eye on this, but it didn’t matter. Because I had switched daycares, lived in a different town, and worked even further away, I never crossed this guy’s path once.

Did I look for his truck? Hell yeah! (But I had no idea he sold the truck and I was wasting my time.)
So, life went on until November of the same year.

It was Thanksgiving. My same best friend from New York came to visit. We had a great time! We went out, experienced new places, and met up with friends. We lived life. We even got tattoos. Having a whole week together, we talked a lot. I confided in her that I often caught myself thinking about the Hubz.

By now, my divorce was getting ready to be finalized. I knew what was going on in my life and I was keeping my house! I was finally feeling stable for the first time, in a long time.

One night, coming home from work, I stopped at a little known store before picking my kids up from daycare. I was kind of running late, so I sat in my car for a minute to touch base about my pickup time before running inside “real fast” to grab some dinner. While I was sitting in my car, I got the feeling that someone was watching me. I glanced over at the truck parked next to me and there was some guy in it. It was a business truck of sorts and I didn’t give it much thought. I sort of waved to him because I was totally feeling as though I must look crazy and I thought the wave would say, “I’m not really crazy even though I probably look like a hot mess!”

Because I had touched base with my daycare provider and she was okay with me being a few minutes late, I decided to also pop in at the liquor store for some whiskey. Hey, don’t you dare judge! Whiskey is good for the soul.

While waiting in line, I got a text.

It read, “Hey, I thought that was you. How are you doing?”

Now this text showed up on my phone as a “number”, which means it’s not in my contacts. Which means I don’t know who the hell this person is. But the sentence, “I thought that was you” was bugging me out because that means they saw me at some point, and I have NO IDEA who this number belonged to.

For 2 hours, I stared at that number.

I called my friend in New York and told her about it. In the midst of that phone call, it hit me.

The phone number.

The funny conversation, so many months ago, explaining the phone number. Was this the Hubz?

I finally got up the nerve to respond.

“Is that you? Were YOU the guy in the truck?”
A quick text pops back through, “yeh.”
“I’m well. Yourself?”

And that was it.

The next night, I stopped at the same store and would you believe it? He was there again! I found myself standing in line behind him at the checkout. We laughed about the irony of it and went our separate ways.

Two nights later… you guessed it! We were at the same place, at the same time. Again.
Believing that the Universe was forcing us together, I got out of my car, walked over to him, and told him how I deleted his info from my phone and if the offer still stands, I would love to grab a beer sometime.

We’ve been together ever since.

Of course, when we started dating we didn’t introduce the children. We didn’t see each other very often because our schedules were a hundred percent opposite. So we had to come up with a way to “see each other with our kids, without seeing each other with our kids”… I know, right!

The weather was turning nice again; summer was just around the corner.

We came up with the idea of doing Friday night plays at the playground. The first time was funny. The kids played while we stood on opposite ends. Then we left. The second time, the kids played and they commented on how the same kids were there as last time. Soon, Fridays turned into the girls begging to go to the playground, hoping to see “those kids” again.

Well, guess what? They did.

It wasn’t long before the kids came up with a plan and introduced us. They wanted us to exchange phone numbers so they could play together more. So we did. From then on Friday night plays turned into dinner at the playground. It then graduated to weekend play dates and barbecuing. The kids wanted to play all the time and the Hubz and I thought this was fantastic!

It wasn’t long before “we were dating” according to the kids.

The set up was nice. He had his house and I had my house. Everyone had plenty of space.

Before we knew it, we had an overnight. A big movie night-dinner turned into “let’s just have a slumber party because it’s so late.” Of course, there were A LOT OF PRETTY PLEASES! Sleepovers soon turned into, “here’s a room for the girls at the boys’ house and here’s a room for the boys at the girls’ house.”

I have got to tell you that the girls were pretty smitten with “setting us up.”

We eventually ended up renting out the Hubz’ house and moving into mine because it was bigger.

We had been together for over a year and things were going fantastic.

And then we got word the there was possibly another kid. This stranger of a woman, contacts the Hubz out of the blue, declaring her youngest child is his.

The Hubz had had a one night stand between the time of me deleting his contact in the spring and the universe throwing us back together in the early winter. Of course, the girl got pregnant and never told anybody that it was the Hubz.

I still remember the sick feeling that washed over my entire body.
I was crushed.

So many thoughts ran through my mind.
How could this happen? What kind of person does this? What impact is this going to have on our kids? I love this man, but do I truly love this man? Can I handle 5 kids? Four is fucking nuts. We had to buy a full sized SUV for fuck’s sake. Are there any more mystery kids? OMG, Is THIS REALLY HAPPENING?

And then there were the tears. I sat there silently and just cried.

The Hubz and I talked about every possible scenario that could come from this. We both felt it was best not to meet this little boy until we knew for sure the Hubz was in fact the father. This didn’t set well with the mother, creating months of stress and headaches.

Our plan was to not share any of this information with anybody until we had concrete answers. We couldn’t chance any of the kids hearing a rumor. I told my mom that I’d be distant for a while; there’s stuff going on and I can’t talk about it, but not to worry because no one was hurt and everybody was safe. My mom and I are pretty close. I lasted only a few months before I burst into tears one day at my parents’ house, telling them everything.

Then we just waited.

 

In the Fall, the Hubz got served papers, went to court, mediation, and did a paternity test.

Again, we waited.

Christmas was right around the corner. All four of our kids were with their respective other parent and we were going back to his house for a date night. The house wasn’t rented, so it felt like a vacation spot to us. We stopped and checked the mail and there it was; the letter that would forever change our lives.

Here it was. The moment of truth. The predetermined fork in the road. We didn’t get to choose the direction. We were in this together; committed. We knew we were going to accept the path we were given. Driving down the road with that letter on my lap, I was overwhelmed with anxiety, fear, and anticipation. We opened it.

99.9% match.
Vision blurred with tears. Big, raindrop sized tears.
I felt numb. I was devastated.

Once my tears dried, I spent an hour going through all the genetic markers between father and child and mother and child. I remember saying, “Well, it looks like more markers match with you than with her… So, hopefully that’s good.”

Honestly, I remember nothing more of that night except for I had to tell my mom. And it was only a matter of time before we had to tell our kids that they had a baby brother.

More tears.

In an instant, the Hubz and I went from 4 kids to 5.

It actually took just under a year from the very first time we heard about this baby, to when we actually met him. Sorting out everything legally, before we met, was a must for us.

3 Days before we were to meet this little boy, we sat our kids down and told them they had a baby brother. There was excitement, confusion, and a bunch of questions.

We kept it short and simple. They were young: Roo was a fresh 10, Boss was 7, Baby Girl was 6, and Dos Tres was 5. They didn’t quite understand the situation; THANK GOD.

All of us finally met and welcomed Little Man into our lives in February, 2014; about a month-and-a-half before his 2nd birthday.

That’s it.

THAT is how the Hubz and I blended our families.

That is OUR STORY. Well, the beginning, anyhow.

Was it hard? Yes.
Was it worth it? Yes!

My only regret is that I wish we had welcomed Little Man into our family sooner. All of the older kids have close relationships with their birth parents. They live close by, see them regularly, and are 100% involved. Little Man doesn’t have that with his birth mom. As he gets older, I try not to worry on the impact this has on him, but instead focus on everything he does have; a family that loves him unconditionally.